Bella

Joyce, livers, and love

Bella ate with relish the livers of beasts and fowl. She liked them best when they left the faint tang of tamarind on her tongue, and she liked how they coated the inside of her mouth as she chewed.

Getting evening now and Bella smoothed a shellaced finger along the empty plate and lapped up the rest of the aglioed sauce. slurp sliop. Will wash later. Need soaking and Christo that the time? Needta cut.

Weathered jeans, t-shirt girl’s medium, blazer 1, leather (blue, sky, but not English sky yeugh) two twines of jet black hair arranged careless over two eyes two worlds. Bottle nearly running out. Always running out so quick kmt. Spritz spritz spritz spritz spritz and then spritz. and spritz.

Bella stepped out into the English afternoon under an English sky. She regretted first that she had not brought a scarf and then she regretted England. Disprezzi l'Inghilterra ma torni alla patria con la tua educazione inglese, vestiti inglesi, eh? Soldi inglesi? La patria non è una vacanza per tutti gli altri. Ho lottato per te, Bella, cerca di capire. But the choice mama, non era mio.

Walking in a straight line did not come as naturally to Bella as did love. Meandering. But not in love. She spied the stalls of the marketstreet, zigzagged, and they spied her in kind. Dates honeyed and dark under a canopy caught Bella’s attention. She had come to the end of the street paying no heed to the throngs of double-takers as she had passed through. But now she saw a greying man and woman stood afront the stall and Bella cried.

He took a glistening date from a wooded bowl and raised it to his wife’s lips. Stop no I can’t. The way they look at each other, he carries her bag so her hand is free to hold his hand stop no. Her mascara began to run and she let it. Hope they don’t think I’m weird for staring. I don’t think it’s weird. Her and his, dark faces, Iranian maybe? and I still need to go visit but beautiful, so beautiful and everywhere beautiful, because I Look. The couple shared a thirty-year swift glance at each other, and the wife nodded. The stallsman scooped a pound into a paper bag. The wife and her husband walked away merry, her left hand having never left his right.

But can’t get some for myself, already had that liver and meant to be meeting him at some oh I don’t even know. Ooo but I love. Hope he doesn’t get mad at me for starving him again. Failed him. Wanted big lunch and only had salad but I like the salad and it had walrrrnuts in it, even. SFE just dropped. Suppose he can order what he likes and then I’ll just take some. Mmm.

Bella turned left at the end of the street onto a cobbled lane. At its end rose tall and proud a church tower chiming the new hour. She checked the street sign and then checked it again, and made down the pavement. Halfway, the cobbles gave on the right to a nook masked in white and pink blossoms, hiding a tiny trattoria. Fairy lights, emeshed in the shrubs illuminating Jack waiting by the tables outside reading a handwritten menu. Who saw whom first Bella did not know.

-Mmm.

-And then what?

-Mmm?

-You’re doing that thing that you did with the carrot story again. Then what?

-Mmm.

and then he was saying that we had to go in because we were or really i was kinda late already and that the reservation can only be held for another five minutes but then i said no mi amor five minutes is plenty so i took his hand and dragged him out to the streets and it was one of them streets with cobbles and that so he stacked it and it was so so so cute and hed been growing out his hair so it was falling into his eyes as he fell as well and then i was laughing so so hard it was like when i fell in ally pally all face down in dirt and legs flying errywher then i picked him up it was really hard cos hes all heavy and all and then i kissed him and he kissed me and the sun was setting so it was mashallah lighting and i could feel the little hairs on his upper lip cos he forgot to shave then we finally went into the restaurant and myyyy it was one of them ones where the italian grandmas cook and he got this whole bottle of wine and im sure the food was good but i wont lie i was just looking at him and he held my hand across the table and nearly burned himself on a candle and i asked if he was ok and he was so at this point its literally just us in there and the waiter brought us limoncello and let us play whatever song we wanted and i was melting just melting and then we paid and he made me do the thing where it looks like youre holding the big tower between your hands like people do to the eiffel tower but he lied so i was just looking like eediat on the street but then we walked by the river just us and the wind came racing up the river and on the bank he asked me and look its hard it started hard but i have so so much to give and i hadnt felt right ever until now and nobody touches me so softly as him and i have so much love to give and he gets me oh he just gets me and i get him and really really i know it started difficult and fucked but rome was born out of fratricide and he held me like no one else has held me and kissed my hair and came in close and his big brown eyes were looking at me waiting and he was all perfume and perfect so i said yes yes i will Yes.

- London.